You and me for forever
by JackPauls23
Summary: When Thomas Jefferson moves from Virginia, he and Alexander get along right away. Soon enough, they will develop crushes on each other. Though, this may not work out. LAMS AND JAMILTON! Mostly Lams.
1. Chapter 1

I trace my fingers across the books, until my finger slips off of one, giving me a paper cut. I wince and stuff my finger in my mouth. I don't know why this is my first reaction when I get a cut, or when I hit my finger off of something. I guess it is a comfort thing.

I look at the book that I cut my finger on: _Becoming _by _Michelle Obama._ I am a fan of her and I have been looking for something new to read.

I know that I am in a book store. I usually just hang out here. I sit in the corner and read, or just socialise. You see, the world's best, best friend that I could ask for, John Laurens, works here. He lets me stay here.

I put the book away and walk up to the front. I go behind the counter and sit on it. John looks over at me, then back at the computer.

"Tell me why I bring you here before the store opens" John says.

"Because you are an idiot" I say.

"That's why" John looks up at me and smiles.

"Wait," I jump off the counter and tighten John's tie. "There you go. W-why are you even wearing a tie?"

"I have to go to my sisters after work. She wants me to watch her kid."

"Why are you wearing a tie then?"

"I want to make a good impression for her new boyfriend."

"Okay, but why don't you put on the tie later?"

"I am leaving early today."

Soon enough, the store opens. People crowd in and I stay behind the counter with John. I look around and see Laf and Herc walk in.

I run around the counter and run over to them. I jump into Herc's arms.

"You guys are here!" I exclaim.

Laf wraps me in a hug too. "I can't believe you had to go to South Carolina for two weeks!"

I jump from Herc's arms and straighten my shirt out. We walk over to John and we go into a group hug.

"So, how was South Carolina?" Herc asks.

"Boring" John says.

"Come on," I say, pushing him a little. "It was fun." I look over at Herc and Laf. "He is only saying that because his parents told me embarrassing childhood stories."

"Of course they had to tell you about me" John mumbles.

"Hey, who's the new guy?" Laf asks, pointing behind us. John and I turn around and we look down near the manga.

There is a man with puffy, curly, brown hair, which surrounds his head like a hallow. He has dark, thick rimmed glasses, which look incredibly hot. He is wearing a hoodie with the sleeves cut off, and a tight, long-sleeved black shirt.

"That's just Thomas," John says, putting his thumbs into is small jean pockets. "He started working here last week. James told me about it. I forgot to tell you, Alex."

"T-that's fine," I say. "C-can you introduce me to him?"

"Sure thing" John says.

John leads the way, and Herc, Laf, and I follow.

John taps Thomas on the shoulder. "Hey, Thomas. We just met, like, yesterday."

"John, right?" He says. He has a slight Virginian accent.

"Yeah, uh, these are my friends Herc, Laf, and Alex," John points to each of us as saying our names. "They hang out here a lot, so I am just telling you that they do not work here."

"Cool," Thomas rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, how old are you guys?"

"We are all seventeen, and in senior year of high school" Herc says.

"Well, when school starts next week," Laf says. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen," Thomas says. "I just moved here, so it is going to be nice to know at least a couple people."

"Have you met James yet?" John asks.

"No, can you introduce me to him?"

John and Thomas walk off. I exhale a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I hold my chest and lean against the manga.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Herc asks.

"Was it just me, or was that guy hot?" I ask.

Right as Laf says, "no", Herc says, "hell yeah." They both turn to each other, then start talking. I move and walk over to the door. I look back and see Thomas and John laughing with James Madison.

I smile and walk out of the store.


	2. Talking

The Next Week

John has been texting me and I met with him, but I just can't get Thomas out of my head. I have never met someone who is like that. I only heard his voice for about a minute, and I was too chicken-shit to talk, but it was something else.

"So, are you exciting for school?" George asks. We sit in the living room, with the television off.

"I guess" I say, taking a bite out of a piece of ice. I don't know why I like eating ice so much. Herc always makes fun of me and says that I am pregnant. I don't care: eating ice is better than drinking water.

"I thought you liked school?" George asks.

"I do, I am just tired."

"Well, make sure you get to sleep early tonight, then."

"Well, I should be going to bed, then," I stand up and stretch. "I will see you in the morning."

"Goodnight."

I walk upstairs and into my room, then go on my phone to text John.

_Me: hey, are you excited for school tomorrow?_

_John: I dunno. _

_Me: do you know what classes Thomas is in?_

_John: no, why would I?_

_Me: I don't know. I was just wondering._

_John: So, I have to talk to you tomorrow. _

_Me: Why not now?_

_John: I want to be able to tell you in person._

_Me: Okay, goodnight John._

_John: 'Night, Alex._

The Next Day

I sit down at a desk in my first class: French. Honestly, I love French. It might be because of my French background, but I don't know. I love hearing people complaining how they don't learn anything in this class and how they don't get their work done. If they would pay attention instead of talking they would get good marks.

I look around for someone I would recognize. Finally the class fills up and the teacher begins their lesson. Then, the door swings open.

Thomas walks through, looking scared and panicked. "S-sorry, I couldn't find the class." He walks over to the only available seat; beside me. I look over at him and smile. He smiles back and winks. I look down and blush.

The class goes on and I answer each question the teacher asks. I don't care if people think I'm lame. I have to admit: I was showing off for Thomas.

Something happens and the next class is just a blur. The next thing I know I am in the cafeteria looking for a lunch table. I walk over to an empty one near the door at the very back.

I look around and spot John and Laf. I wave them over. Laf sits across from me and John sits next to me. Our hands touch for a brief moment, but he pulls away.

"Ugh! I hate Science!" Laf complains.

"It isn't that bad," John says biting into a granola bar. After he finishes chewing he speaks again. "What classes did you have this morning, Alex?"

"French and Visual Arts."

"Do you have English this semester?" Laf asks.

"I don't think so," I look around. "Where is Herc?"

"He is hanging out with some other people" Laf mumbles, sticking his fork into a sandwich.

"Why do you have a fork?" I ask.

"Why are you mad that Herc is with other people?" John asks.

"He is hanging out with Elizabeth Sanders," Laf says, ignoring my question. "He is also with the Schuyler sisters and other popular girls."

"Guys!" We all turn our head to see Peggy Schuyler run towards us.

"Apparently not all the sisters" I mumble.

John stands up and Peggy literally jumps into his arms. "I missed you guys!"

"How was your trip?" I ask. Peggy jumps off of John and sits next to Laf.

"It was great!" Peggy exclaims. "If you ever get the opportunity to go to England, you better fucking go."

"How does it feel to be a sophomore?" John asks.

I have realised something. John is only truly happy when he is with me or Peggy. I don't understand why. Well, I understand why he likes being with Peggy: well, he likes Peggy! It is really obvious.

"I am going to get some fresh air," I say, standing up. "I will talk to you guys after."

"Let me come," John says. "I want to talk."

I remember about our conversation last night. "Yeah, sure, let's go" I say.

John smiles and we stand up. We walk through the cafeteria doors, then outside. John digs his hands into his pockets and we walk over to the fence.

"I feel like I am in a prison," I say. "Why would they need a fence to people who already feel imprisoned?"

"I dunno" John says. He leans on the fence and looks down at his feet. I lean against it too and look over at him.

"So," I say. "What did you want to tell me?"

John looks up at me and bites his lip. "Well, I-ugh!" John slides his back down the fence and sits on the ground.

I sit next to him and put my hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, John; you can tell me."

"Alex," John sighs, making sure he isn't looking at me. "I'm g-"

"Hey, guys!" We look straight ahead and see Thomas. Remember to breathe, Alex.

"Hey," I say. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Well, I didn't either," Thomas chuckles a little. He looks over at John. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"No," John says standing up. "N-no, I am just going to go inside. I need to go to the bathroom."

"Are you coming back out here?" I ask standing up myself.

"Uh, maybe, I don't know." John just leaves without waiting for my response.

"Is he okay?" Thomas asks.

"I don't know," I say. "He wanted to tell me something, but I think he was having second thoughts. I am worried about him."

"I hope everything will be alright," Thomas looks down at me, but I watch John walk through the doors of the school. "Hey, how are you so good at French?"

Now, I look up at Thomas. "Well, I have a French background. My mother spoke Spanish, while my father spoke French."

"That's cool. So, how did you learn English?"

"Well, I learned English first, then picked up phrases from my parents," I bite my lip. "Plus, I was kind of showing off."

"For who?"

"Y-you."

"Really?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess." I look down. I know my face is redder then a fucking ribbon.

"Well, that's fine with me," Thomas says. "You are a cutie." I look up at him and he pokes my nose. That only makes my face redder.

"So, you are into guys?" I ask.

"Yeah," Thomas says. "I hope I didn't say the wrong thing and make you hate me."

"Not at all: I'm bi."

"Cool. I haven't really figured everything out yet, but I absolutely know that I like and girls."

"You could be bi or pan."

"I don't know. Well, I know I'm cis."

"Same here."

"Well, now we have two things in common."

"Three: I really like books."

"Well then: three."


	3. come on

The rest of the week is a blur. Thomas and I have hung out a lot and I have learned so much about him.

John has been growing more distance. Not just from me, but from everyone. Now, I stand on his doorstep waiting for him to answer the door.

John opens the door and looks at me.

"Get dressed," I say, looking at his muscle shirt and pajama pants. "We are going out."

"Alex, it is five o'clock in the morning: go home and get some sleep."

"No, we have to leave now because if everything I have planned for today is going to work out, we have to stay on a strict time schedule."

I go inside the house and I go up to John's room, with him following close behind. I open his drawers and throw clothing at him.

I look over at John who has the clothing gathered in his arms. "If you want to get me out of the house, you have to get out so I can change. Go in the car and wait."

I smile and squeal a little. I run out of the house and wait in the car for John.

Five minutes later, John walks out of his house and climbs into the passenger seat. I drive the car out of the driveway and begin our day.

"So, where are we going?" John asks.

"Nope," I say. "Everything about today is going to be a surprise."

"Yay, I love surprises." John says in a very sarcastic tone.

"Shut up, dork," I say, patting his head. "You have to trust me."

John sighs and looks at me. "I trust you."


	4. Sky for forever

I pull the car into a gravel parking lot. John and I get out of the car.

"Why did you bring me to a field?" John asks.

I smile and take his hand. I start running, and keep a tight grip on John's hand. We run into the middle of the field and collapse on the ground.

I look over at John and see that he staring up at the sky in awe.

"It feels like the world falls away," I say. "And it is just you in me in this field."

"I like this feeling."

I realise that I haven't let go of John's hand yet. I don't care.

"I feel like I'm on the outside always looking in," John says. "I try to speak, but nobody can hear. I feel like I am waving through a window."

Something about what John said makes me think. I remember feeling like this. It is like you are watching from a distance. It is like you are watching a movie of your life; you can't control anything in the story.

"You know, there is nowhere I would rather be." I say.

John looks over at me. "Me too."

"Come on," I stand up, helping John. "You wanna race to that tree?"

John smiles and we start running. We run far across the yellow field and to the tallest tree.

"What would it feel like seeing the world from that high?" John asks.

"Do you want to climb it?" I ask.

John starts right away. I go after him. One foot after the other, one branch after the other.

We finally get up to a huge branch that will hold the both of us. I pull my body up and look out into the field.

"I can see the sky for forever," John whispers. "Alex, can I tell you what I was going to Monday?"

"Yeah, absolutely" I say.

"Do you promise not to hate me?"

"Buddy, you and I for forever." I put my hand on John's shoulder.

He doesn't look at me, but starts talking. "I never thought that this moment was going to be like this. I didn't know it was going to be this hard."

I don't say anything.

"I-I'm gay, Alex."

I look over at John. "I felt so alone. Those were my own thoughts that I felt like I couldn't tell anyone, but I finally got it out."

"Well, let that lonely feeling wash away," I say. "You'll be okay."

"Y-you mean, you don't hate me for not telling you sooner?"

"No, I will never hate you. Just remember: you are not alone in this journey. You have Laf and Herc. You have your family who loves you. And you have me. I will never ever let anything bad happen to you, okay?"

John starts full out crying. I pull him into a hug.

"John, look,"

John pulls away from me and looks out into the field. The sun is rising and the clouds have a pink and purple tint to them. It looks like something out of a painting.

"I can feel the sun shining on my face." John laughs.

"It feels awesome, doesn't it?" I say, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He leans his head on my shoulder and we just stay like that. I have never felt so amazing in such a long time. This is what I want every day to be like.


	5. Phone call

John and I spend another two hours in that field just talking. We get ice cream and both agree it is the best we have ever had. We stay in the countryside and explore the back roads and hiking trails.

I love the sound of the gravel rolling under the tires of the car. It is a calming sound. Now, John and I are sitting on the hood of my car staring at the sunset fall behind the trees.

"Did you have a good day?" I ask, looking over at John.

"This was the best of my life." John says, turning on his side to look at me.

"Are you sure that this beats Herc's tenth birthday party when we got him to sing 'Barbie girl'?"

John laughs. The thing about John's laugh is that is rolls up from his chest. He laughs with his whole face too. John cannot laugh any other way. It is one of the perfect things about him.

"Do you remember when Herc and Laf sang 'Dancing Queen' together?" John asks.

"Of course! That was a great day."

"Still," John moves a little closer to me. "I think that today was better than that."

I move a little closer to John. I don't know what is making me feel this way.

"Hey," I say. "Do you want to run back out into that field quick?" I sit up.

"Where to?" John sits up too.

"Well, let's go to that big patch of grass" I say pointing out to the field.

"Okay, now!"

John hops off and starts running. I get off too and run. I catch up to him and we are both running together. Then, I trip. I fall into John and we roll onto the grass.

Then, it is just me on top of John. We are staring at each other, and I feel like I need to go closer to him.

We are about half an inch apart when my phone goes off. I roll off of John and take my phone out of my pocket.

Thomas' P.O.V.

Alex was something else. I have never met someone like that. I don't know what it is that makes me feel so...weird. My brian is like, 'bzz', my heart is like 'whoa'.

This is why I got his number from James Madison. There is something about that little dude too. Am I just attracted to short guys? That question will be answered never because I am not going to spill my emotions and feelings out on the table.

I am not one of those people who like expressing my feelings. The only people that I will do that to are the people I care about more than myself. For example: Alex. I can tell him almost everything.

This is why I call him. I want to ask him something. I end up asking him out. To my surprise he actually says yes!


	6. Asking

John's P.O.V.

Alex is there on top of me. This is the moment that we are going to kiss, but of course that doesn't happen. Thomas ends up calling him and asks him out! Alex says yes!

There is only one reason I have only told Alex about my homosexuality. I thought it was obvious, but I guess that Alex is drooling over Thomas.

This is something that I can't stand. Why would Alex act like this with me, even though he wants Thomas? Is it just me that sees this? I think Alex is pretty clueless when it comes to love.

I end up spending the night lying in bed, eating chocolate, listening to the This Is Us soundtrack and watching the episode where you find how Jack dies.

I don't care. This is going to be my life and I have to deal with it. Not now, though. I need time to get over this, even though we were never an actual thing.

I thought today meant something. I thought everything we did today meant something other than just friendship.

Alex's P.O.V.

I pace back and forth and look back at the clock.

"That is the thirtieth time you have checked that clock in five minutes," George says. "He said he is going to be here at six. You still have five minutes."

"I am sorry, I am nervous," I say. "I haven't gone out on a date since sophomore year when I dated Eliza."

"You will be fine," Martha says. "Drink some water. That will help you out."

I sit down on the couch and chug the glass of water Martha gave me. I bob my knee up and down.

"Lie down," George says. "Don't ask any questions."

I sigh and lie down on the couch.

"Close your eyes and think that it is late and you are going to sleep," George says.

I do that, then I feel a hand on my shoulder. I open my eyes and see George and Martha smiling and laughing a little.

"What?" I ask.

"You have been asleep for twenty minutes." George says.

"We got know Thomas" Martha says.

I look over and see Thomas smiling, sitting in a chair. I sit up right away and flatten my hair out.

"H-hey, Thomas." I stutter.

"Hey, cutie." Thomas says.

"We can go now." I say, standing up quickly not looking at George or Martha.

"Come on," Thomas says. "I like them."

"Please, can we leave?"

"Fine," Thomas smirks. He stands up and shakes George and Martha's hands. "Nice to meet you mister and misses Washington."

"So polite." Martha says.

"Nice to meet you, young man." George says.

"Come on," I say. I grab onto Thomas' sweater. "Let's go."

"Okay, okay." Thomas laughs.


	7. John

_**So, this fanfiction is coming to an end shortly. Trigger Warnings: swearing (I am sorry I haven't been putting trigger warning for chapters. I have just been trying to get them out.)**_

The date ends up going very well. We went to the park, got some fast food. It wasn't anything fancy, but I don't care.

"I am telling you, the date was great." I tell Eliza over the phone. We are still friends and I really like that. It is nice when a relationship doesn't work out and we still end up friends in the end.

"Thomas sounds like an amazing guy," Eliza says. "Peggy was saying that he is in her Math class. He is pretty quiet and keeps to himself."

"I have noticed that he acts one way around the people he likes and the people who are just his friends. It is kind of cute."

"Was he nice to you?"

"Of course he was, Eliza! I wouldn't be saying all this stuff about him if he wasn't."

"I was just checking. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I won't. I will be safe."

"Thanks for letting me know. I have to go. Love you."

"Love you too." I hang up the phone

We are the kind of friends who say that they love each other. I like that in a friendship. I like that when I can say that with guys and they won't take it in the wrong way.

All I know is that I can't wait to see Thomas again tomorrow.

The next morning Thomas picks me up.

"Thanks." I say, getting into the passenger seat.

"No problem." Thomas says, pulling out of my driveway.

I look at the steering wheel. "You keep your hands at ten and two."

Thomas smiles, looking at me quickly before looking back at the road. "Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"They are teaching people to hold their hands at five and ten now."

"Why?"

"If the air bags go off, you are going to either punch you or me in the face. Or both."

"That is a really awkward way to drive."

"I know, right?"

Thomas stops at a red light and keeps his hands tight on the wheel.

"You just got your licence not too long ago, didn't you?" I ask.

"Yep," Thomas says proudly. "I am still a very nervous driver, though."

We get to school and Thomas and I go to class right away. Right before we head into the class I see John standing at his locker grabbing some books. He has a black hood over his eyes, keeping his hair tucked in.

"You go into class," I say. "I will be right back, okay?"

"Yep." Thomas says heading into the classroom.

I walk down the hall and over to John. "H-hey, John."

He looks in my direction, but not directly at me before slamming his locker closed. He starts walking down the hall, and I follow.

"Is everything alright?" I ask.

"Never better." John says roughly.

"Come on, John, I know you," I put my hand on his shoulder. "Just stop and listen to me for a second."

John turns around and looks down at the ground.

"Why won't you look at me?" I ask.

"Can I just go to class?"

"Not until you tell me why you have the hood on."

"It doesn't matter."

"John, what the fuck happened?"

"Nothing, okay? Can you just leave me alone?"

"Just take the fucking hood off."

"No." John starts walking down the hall again. I follow...again.

"Take the damn hood off, John!"

John stops in his tracks, not turning back to look at me.

"John, I am worried. Please take the fucking hood off."

John bats his fingers on the side of his leg, then grunts. He turns back towards me and grabs the hood, pulling it off his face. There is a huge bruise around his eye, and a cut that is in the middle of his bottom lip, that reaches down half way to his chin.

"Are you happy now?!" John shouts. "You got me to take the damn hood off! I didn't want to fucking show you because I knew you would look like you do now!"

"J-John, what happened?" I whisper.

"Fuck off."

"I am trying to he-"

"Just stay the fuck away from me!" John puts the hood back on, turning around and going down the hall.

What happened?

_**Hopefully John will be okay. Ha! You guys will have to wait and see (I'm sorry, I swear I am not mean)!**_


	8. wondering

The rest of the day I don't see John. I don't see Peggy either. Herc and Laf seem off too. What the fuck am I missing out?

"Alex?" I look up at Thomas. "Did you hear me?"

"S-sorry," I say, holding my head. I sigh and look back up at him. "What were you saying?"

"If your head wasn't attached to your body, you would be walking around with no head."

James Madison snorts a little. You see, James isn't one of the people who giggles or chuckles. He full out laughs or he snorts because he doesn't want to be too loud.

I look around the cafeteria. "I don't see any of the girls."

"What girls?" Thomas asks.

"I don't see the Schuyler sisters, Maria Reynolds; the girls who hang out with them."

"Why are you looking for them?" James asks.

"I wanted to a-" I stop my thought when I see Eliza. "I will be right back."

I stand up and walk over to Eliza. I tap her on the shoulder, and she jumps a little.

"Geez, Alex, you scared me." Eliza says.

"Where is Peggy?" I ask.

"I was just looking for you because I knew you would know where John is."

"Where did those two go?"

"What's happening?" Angie asks, walking over.

"We can't find your sister." I say.

"Or John for that matter." Eliza says.

"They should be together," Angie looks around. "Maybe Laf and Herc know where they went."

Eliza and I turn around and see Laf and Herc out the window. They are sitting at a picnic table, their backs facing us. We all look at each other, then leave the cafeteria. We go outside and go up to Laf and Herc.

"Hey, guys." I say.

"Do you know where Peggy and John are?" Angie asks.

"We haven't seen them all day." Laf says.

"No, John is in my Science class," Herc says. "I saw him then, but not afterwards."

"Should we look for them?" Eliza asks.

"I was going to look anyway." I say.

"Let's just all go." Herc says.

"We still have half an hour of break left, so let's get to it." Angie says.

Eliza, Laf and I end up looking together, while Angie and Herc look together. I know exactly where to go first.


	9. wondering part 2

John's P.O.V.

After seeing Alex just made everything worse. That damn bruise and cut was nothing. Worse has happened to me. No, none of my parents did it. They love me no matter what. I guess my father just has that vibe to him. I don't know.

It were these jerks who found out I am gay. They don't go to this school, neither does my ex-boyfriend. My ex, Francis, said that he would never tell anyone about me. Hell, he was hiding in his own closet.

When we started dating he had already told a couple of his friends about his homosexuality, so he thought it was okay to tell them about me. That was fine. These guys were really cool...until they weren't.

Later I found out all of them were drunk, drug addict idiots. All of them, including Francis. He was the worst out of all of them. He was kind of an abusive boyfriend.

Anyway, these bruises and cuts came from all of them. Sometimes they just show up out of the blue. I don't even know how they find me. They know better to come to my house.

So, last night I was walking home from the cafe down the street from my house. They came out of nowhere and I was lucky that I got bruises and no broken ribs. It felt pretty bad, but it was probably nothing. I was still feeling weak about the whole Alex thing. Which, by the way, I will probably never get over.

So, I knew that Alex would ask me about this shit, because my dad has hit me once. He was drunk and afterwards he went to meetings. I went to them and he has been sober for two years. Though, ever since, Alex has been worried about me. I am glad that he has my back, but sometimes he is like an over protective parent: it get so fucking annoying.

This is why I left the school. I knew that Alex was going to try and look for me. I could not deal with him right now.

I don't even know where I am going to go. I am just going to go anywhere where I won't run into any fucking idiots.

Alex's P.O.V.

I for sure thought he would be here. John always goes into this little fenced in area when he is upset. It is covered by trees, so no one will be able to find him.

"Where the fuck could he be?" I whisper to myself. I turn around and look at Laf and Eliza. "I am going to try and call him. He won't answer any of my texts."

I dial his number, then wait. Of course it doesn't work. I feel like smashing my phone onto the ground, but I don't.

We all go back to the school and sit on one of the picnic tables.

"Guys!" We look over towards the doors and see Angie, Herc and Peggy.

"Where the fuck is John?" I ask, standing up.

"I don't know," Peggy says. "I was looking for him too."

Now, I feel like pulling my hair out. I don't want this anymore. I don't even know what to do. I walk away from everyone and go down to the bathroom. I close the door and go into a stall. I lock it and sit on the ground.

I text Thomas that I am in the bathroom and I need his help. Soon enough, I hear the door open and hear Thomas' voice.

I open the stall door, but stay on the ground. Thomas goes on his knees and wraps me in a hug. I am bawling my eyes out.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Thomas whispers to me. "Wait one second." Thomas stands up, and since there are no locks on the doors, Thomas presses the garbage can up to it. He comes back over and sits next to me.

"What happened?" Thomas asks.

I wrap him in a hug. "J-John is gone and I don't know where he is. I am worried that s-something is going to h-happen to him."

"He is going to be okay. You are going to be okay."

I look up at Thomas, then press my lips to his. Thomas wraps his arms around my waist and his mouth leads down to my neck.

Is this what I want? Yes, I want Thomas. Though, do I want John to? Ugh! This is so confusing! I want both of them, and I don't know why.

I feel tears fall down my face and onto Thomas' shirt. He doesn't seem to notice. He keeps kissing me and keeps a tight grip on my waist.

"Thomas," I say. "I'm fine. W-we are good now."

Thomas hesitates for a moment before pulling away from me. He nods and we stand up. I put the tap on and throw some water in my face and I am in a better place.

Thomas and I head out of the bathroom right when the warning bell goes off. I split from Thomas and head down to Drama.

After school I go straight to John's house, but he isn't there. I decide to invite Thomas over, so I stop freaking out.

"I'll get it." George says, talking about the doorbell ringing.

"It's Thomas!" I shout from the basement. I stand up and run upstairs. I see Thomas at the door talking to George.

"Thanks, George," I say. "I can take it from here."

George nods and heads back into the kitchen. I take Thomas' hand and we go up to my room.

"This is nice." Thomas says.

I close the door behind us and I lie on my bed. I curl up into a ball and face the far wall. "I'm still freaking out," I say.

Thomas sits on the bed beside me. He rubs small circles on my back. "You are going to be okay, alright?"

I turn to Thomas and sit up. I kiss him. The only time I am not worrying is when I am kissing him. Somehow that makes it all go away.

I don't know what happens next, except that Thomas is lying on top of me, and he has his hands tight on my wrists. This...this is something that I love. This is something I crave.

Something doesn't feel right. I am still thinking about John. Ugh! You are supposed to leave my thoughts right now!

"Thomas, I need to go," I say. "I need to go find John."

Thomas stops kissing me. "I am helping you, Alex. You aren't freaking out. Please, just let me do this to help you."

"N-no, I am freaking out right now. I need to see John. He is going to help me."

"You don't even know where he is."

I think for a moment. "I know exactly where he is," I push Thomas off of me. "I'm sorry, you have to leave," I kiss Thomas once more. "Love you."

"L-love you too."

I leave the room. I don't care if Thomas stays here. I have to go find John.


	10. All I see is John for forever

I pull onto the gravel road and park the car. I step out and take in the sweet air. I look out into the yellow field. I see someone lying out near the tall grass. I sigh and start walking.

Now, I stand above John. He opens his eyes a little, then sits up. I lie down on the grass. John lies down again. We just stay still and we stay quiet.

"So, what if it's us?" I ask. I can feel John's eyes on me, but I don't look at him.

"I-I never thought someone like you would want me," John says. "If you like me for me, that is what I have wanted for longer than you could possibly know."

I look at John now.

"So, we can try that?"

"It's not impossible."

"Do you want to-ugh."

"Just say what's on your mind, Alex."

"Lunch? Just the two of us?"

"I think that I want to go out with you."

We both start laughing.

"It's agreed," I say. "When are you free?"

"Whenever you want," John says. He lies on his back again. I do too. "Can we say that our first date was out trip here?"

"Whatever you want." Then, our hands find each other. I lace my fingers with his and smile to myself.

All we see is sky for forever.

**Thanks for reading!**


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